GamblingMental Health
Q: My parents have been divorced since my sister and I were of
school age. My dad has since remarried but my mom did not. There have
been few occasions that my mom was clearly depressed and have been
hospitalized for it. I do recall my mother buying lotto tickets since I
was a child. Not long ago, my sister told me that she has found boxes
and boxes of lotto tickets in our mom’s home - collected over the
years. From more recent years they were purchased multiple times daily
amounting to a large sum of money on a daily basis. We are not aware of
any other gambling habits she has. My mom seemed to have always been a
hard worker but from time to time has needed help financially, for
example, paying for utilities. How do we address this concern with her?
A: The existence of a problem is essentially precipitated and
maintained by other underlying problems-- for instance, depression and
other possible life stressors. That is, reoccurrence of depressive
symptoms may have been coped with through the gambling habits – buying
lotto tickets. As in the nature of impulsive disorders such as in
gambling, as the habitual pattern is not addressed properly and dealt
with effectively, it typically worsens over the years. The habit
inevitably requires “higher intensity” to get the “fix” which, in this
particular scenario, partially explains the increased frequency and
expense in the purchase of lotto tickets. The hoarding of lotto tickets
is also indicative of the extent of the dysfunction and the meaning it
has in coping with problems. The ideal scenario in addressing this
problem with the family member is from a concerned and supportive
approach. However, it is also to be noted that being “found out” with
regards to the gambling may bring about denial or resistance which is
also to be understood and to be dealt with in a caring manner.
Q: My ex-husband has a gambling problem which has continued to affect
our lives. I have full custody of our two kids but it has been arranged
that they spend every other weekend with him. As in the past, his
gambling problems have made him unable to meet his family and parental
responsibilities. He has long not provided child support and has not
been consistent with his visits with our kids. I have threatened him
that I will no longer allow him to have weekends with the kids, but as
he has always responded to with promises to make changes to his
actions. He has made some effort in the past - for example, kept a
decent job and acted responsibly in spending time with the kids- but
these changes were only temporary. He continues to not want
professional help. How do I tell him again that I’ve had enough and he
needs to get it together?
A: Gambling problems can seriously impair one’s ability to care for
one’s self and others. Such problems undoubtedly compromise
relationships with loved ones and lead to consequences such as divorce
and poor relationships with children. The support given to the
individual who has a gambling problem may not be easily recognized as
part of what enables the problem. A legitimate support is one that
comes from setting realistic and healthy limits in the relationship. In
this scenario, failed promises of bettering relationships and meeting
responsibilities are inevitable without the recognition of the problem
and the desire to seek professional help. Ultimately, changes can only
happen with the awareness that there is a problem. Taking on the
responsibility to get the necessary treatment to address the problem is
one of many stages necessary in helping one’s self. Addressing this
problem with the ex-husband requires honesty conveying limitations to
the support provided, consistently naming the serious impact on
relationships, and reiterating that he has responsibilities to himself
and others in his life.
Q: I’ve denied that I’ve had a gambling addiction for years. I
was betting in sports, frequented casinos, and gambled any way I can
via the internet. I do not recall the last day I did not gamble. For a
long time, I’ve said “it’s a hobby- I enjoy gambling, it’s
entertaining.” This was until I dropped out of college and ran into
huge financial troubles. I lied to everybody about reasons for needing
money and avoided my family and friends when I knew all they wanted was
to tell me I have a problem and that I need help. I couldn’t keep a job
long enough to support myself. I‘ve sought out treatment even though I
don’t believe anything can change. Most times, I do know I need help
but I do not know how to stay in treatment.
A: It is a common consequence that people with gambling problems owe
money to a lot of people and not follow through with financial
obligations and responsibilities. Not only that they end up in great
financial troubles, but they may also lose their possessions. Due to
the extent of their gambling problem, they may not be able to maintain
a stable employment and fail in sustaining relationships with
others. Such as with people with addiction, compulsive gamblers
initially deny that they have a problem. However, the dysfunctions
occurring in different aspects of their lives ultimately prompt them to
seek professional help. Trust in relationships is sparse and often seen
not possible. This is relevant to the struggle of maintaining
commitment in treatment. The thought is that, “No one can understand me
and what I’m going through, and no one can help me.” Poor self-esteem
and self-worth often anchor the belief that their demise is inevitable.
Gambling is a coping mechanism used to remedy one’s insecurities and
inadequacies. Gambling partially and temporarily suffice these
discomforts about one’s self. Commitment to treatment is a work in
progress. Primarily, treatment is a tool in the continual process of
understanding one’s self – what underlies the problem as well as what
maintains it.
Grace Tomas-Tolentino is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is the founder and director of Core Therapy Associates, Ltd., a private group practice located in Schaumburg , IL .
