Sustaining relationship in an Internet-oriented society
Mental Health
Ways of communication have expectedly evolved in the era of technological growth. Effective communication remains essential in sustaining relationship within the ever-changing modes of communication. The following sample scenarios* highlight this topic:
Q: Keeping up with friendships has been difficult due to several reasons such as career and family. Time constraint has prompted me to make use of email and text to communicate. A couple of my friends whom I used to see in a regular basis but have not seen for some time seem to mind this change and insist that I consider prioritizing some time for these relationships. My reaction was that I thought my efforts to communicate via other means are better than not communicating at all. What am I supposed to do?
A: The familiarity of a given relationship makes it more of a challenge to accommodate life changes. In the scenario described above, friends were able to express their expectation with regards to time given to the relationships. Revisiting individuals' needs is of help to sustain friendships. Along with it, making friends aware of circumstances that have made it more difficult to attend to the relationships is necessary. Conveying that friendships remain important despite the constraints and responsibilities can feel reassuring. This gesture also asks for reciprocation from friends pertaining to compromises, consideration, and support. Getting to a place of mutual understanding lessens the focus on the modes of communication since the relationship is felt more secure.
Q: Although my teenage kid communicates via texting, I’ve noticed that over the past couple of years he seemed to have drifted away from personally communicating with me and my husband. It seems to be a common issue other parents I know have about their kids. Some have commented, “They don’t know how to talk anymore without texting.” Should texting be a concern?
A: The mode of communication is not necessarily the sole indicator of how relationships are doing. Any mode of communication, including texting, becomes a concern if it interferes with the healthy functioning of the family. One family’s experiences are different from another’s. What is the overall communication pattern within the family? Are critical matters dealt with personally or tend to be avoided and not properly addressed via any mode of communication. Texting may be a way to address matters that at the time may be uncomfortable to bring up with the person. In practicality, it can also be considered cost- and time-efficient.
On another note, although one can argue that communicating via texting or email can reflect emotions, it can also be argued that it isn't a substitute for person-to-person interactions. On yet another note, the above scenario may be in part a developmental adjustment in the family with a teenager. Texting may be seen as a way to establish an increasing independent space. In any case, texting or any electronic means of communication are but supplemental tools people can make use of in maintaining relationship.
Q: I joined several dating services whereas the initial mode of communication is through emails. Online dating has been the trend to meet other people in this day and age but it does not seem to get me to the goal of meeting the "right" person. People seem so different as we talk online and once we meet everything just dissolves. I feel that I’ve wasted a large amount of time engaging with not-so-honest people.
I wish that the old way of meeting people still works -- you meet someone and then you either like them or you don't and then move on from there. Instead, I feel I have to waste my time online getting to know somebody who turns out to be not the person I thought they were.
A: In this scenario, the frustration comes from having felt betrayed having invested time or having been vulnerable to others and felt others have been unwilling to reciprocate or have been dishonest. It is not uncommon that people find it more comfortable talking about themselves without necessarily being seen. Understandably, people do not typically want to be seen with their flaws. Online dating can be seen supporting this notion since people are able to regulate their visibility to others.
The traditional way of dating is not necessarily more of a guarantee than online dating. The use of various modes of communication can only be assumed to maximize avenues to meet and get to know other people. Finding a person that can be of compatibility with comes down to subjectivity, including efforts to be true to one’s self and others.
It is to be understood that the process of getting to know each other unfolds over time. The earlier stages of dating ideally can pave way towards better understanding each other. Overall, relationships are always evolving regardless of what mode of communication is used.
*These scenarios are fictional and do not pertain to any individuals’ cases.
Grace Tomas-Tolentino, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist and the founder and director of Core Therapy Associates, Ltd., a group practice located in Schaumburg, IL providing various psychotherapy treatments to children, adolescents, and adults
Grace Tomas-Tolentino is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is the founder and director of Core Therapy Associates, Ltd., a private group practice located in Schaumburg , IL .
