The influence of the Holidays
Mental Health
What meanings and expectations are commonly associated with the holidays?
Holiday traditions are often tied to religious practices which commonly
prescribe “forgiveness” of others, acts of “sharing” and “giving,” and overall
gratitude for life. There are expectations of being in a “holiday spirit,”
spending time with families and friends, and showing gestures of kindness,
thoughtfulness and caring for others.
We often hear “It’s the holidays, you’re supposed to be giving” or “Be merry!”
Others are made fun of when not in the same joyous spirit and jokingly labeled
as “Scrooge.” Indeed, there are expectations of having a positive demeanor and
to go along with traditions that are believed to be of mainstream value. What
the holidays mean to people influences how it’s valued and the perceptions of
being cared for by others and thoughtfulness towards others.
How might family relationships be affected during the Holidays?
Holidays can be opportunities to re-connect with families and gather with
friends. It’s a time that allows people to permit themselves to have a break
from the hectic as well as the mundane pace of life, and a transition to a new
year ahead. However, family gatherings may not always create joyous
anticipation among family members. Ongoing conflict or tension in the immediate
family, among siblings, parents and their grown children can produce anxiety and
sadness during these times. Some people may not choose to spend time with their
families to further avoid conflict or perhaps they remain resentful about past
circumstances. There is a pressure for families to be together despite
of ongoing conflicts. It is not uncommon that the holidays compound the need to
quickly resolve relational problems within families despite of existence of more
complex nature of the problems.
Conflicts affect other family members who are likely to anticipate potential
confrontation or altercation. Through mutual and respectful gestures, family
members may be able to reach a comfortable place to begin to make amends. In
such a situation, holidays can be opportunities for reconciliation between
family members.
Does the “season of giving” equate to “season of caring”?
Gift-giving is a way to convey love, care, and thoughtfulness to families and
friends. It is a tradition that carries a sense of being thought of and cared
for as well as care for others. Children are in glee with presents they’ve
wished for. There is an anticipation of excitement with seeing family and
friends, and their mere presence symbolizes caring. Gifts can also
convey gratitude. In the workplace, for example, bonuses are looked forward to.
It is a gesture of appreciation for all the work contributed throughout the
year. Overall, whether it is spending time or giving material gifts to families
and friends, giving donations to charitable organizations, or volunteering time
to a shelter, the idea is to genuinely give “care” to the people that matters
the most.
What difficulties might people encounter as triggered by the Holidays?
Holidays can be a reminder of hardships in people’s lives. Memories of
tribulations or tragedies may be triggered during the holidays. These times may
remind people of what was lacking, what was painful, or what they feel needs to
be forgotten. For instance, grief related to a previous loss such as the death
of a loved one may bring feelings of guilt and sadness in response to
pleasurable moments during the holidays.
They may find themselves not wanting to be around family members. Others
may not have a family to be with at all. In addition, inquiries from others such as,
“What are you doing for theholidays?” or “Are you going home to your family for the
holidays?”can trigger discomfort and further remind people of past losses. Overall,
people vary in their coping with previous losses and their meanings as time goes on.
The support and nurturance from families, friends, and professional help can further
aid in coping with grief during the holidays.
Grace Tomas-Tolentino, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist and the director of
Core Therapy Associates, Ltd., a group practice located in Schaumburg, IL
providing various psychotherapy treatments to children, adolescents, and adults.
Grace Tomas-Tolentino is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She is the founder and director of Core Therapy Associates, Ltd., a private group practice located in Schaumburg , IL .
